I should just start off with a confession: I am in the library right now and by all means, I should be studying for my test I have to make an A on Monday. BUT, here I am. Blogging. In the library. At least it looks like I'm being studious, right?
So anyways, I used to do this thing where I would write notes to myself. Sounds weird, but bare with me. I would write notes to my future self about how I was feeling, the things I was learning through experiences, and things that I wanted my future self to always remember. Important things. I would also write things down that I knew would encourage me on rough days. Days when I was sad or insecure or when nothing was going as planned. I used to do this all the time, especially when I was trying to recover from my eating disorder and everything else that was going on. I guess really it was more of a journal. Anyways, I brought a lot of these letters to college with me, just in case I ever had a bad day or needed to be reminded of what I had gone through to get where I am. I was going through those notes today and I found one that I had forgotten all about. It said:
“And now, here’s what I’m going to do: I’m going to start all over again. I’m taking her back out into the wilderness where we had our first date, and I’ll court her.
For those of you who don't know what the book of Hosea is about, it basically relates Israel's relationship to God as the relationship of a husband and wife. Except the wife hadn't been faithful to the husband. I guess what I like about this verse is that fact that it tells me no matter what I do, no matter how bad I mess up, God still wants me. He wants all of me and he wants me to be faithful to him. He wants me to love him and lean on him when I feel sad or when I feel insecure and he wants to lift me up. And this verse is as true as it is inspiring. Even though I messed up and made a mess of my life at that time, God was willing to start over with me and form a new relationship with me and make me new again like I was when I first came to him. That's a huge thing. Not many friends or husbands will take you back after you mess everything up. After you ignore them. After you neglect the relationship. This isn't to say that this all comes easy, it doesn't come easy at all. In the verses before this one, God describes how he is going to break Israel and they are going to be judged and pay for the sins they have committed. We all have to sit down at a table of consequences at one time or another for our sins, but that isn't to say God doesn't love us or that he's given up on us. Just like a parent, God will punish us because he loves us and in the process he will renew us and lift us up. He will take our heartbreak and give us hope and I am so thankful for a God who see's past my actions and my pride and looks into my heart to see my true intentions.
I should probably go study now....